Cassie
by Cuthbert72
Summary: Sid and Cassie are happily married, but Cassie still has bouts of depression. Sid is persuaded to go on a full week's residential training course starting on the last weekend in October. Despite his misgivings, he attends the course with tragic results. The genres are Angst/Tragedy - You have been warned! If you want a happier ending go from Chapter 2 to Chapter 3A
1. Chapter 1: Domesticity

**Chapter 1: domesticity**

Sid and Cassie had been married for just over a year. They were as happy as any couple could be. Sid still felt that Cassie was his inspiration.

Sid was now a happy, self-confident young man. He had found a job with a division of the Home Office. Entering with 'A' levels, he was an Administrative Assistant, the bottom rung of the Civil Service career ladder. He was looking forward to promotion to the next level, Administrative Officer. He was happy in his job and had befriended several of his work colleagues. In short, he was satisfied with his life. He had a home, a job with promotion prospects and a beautiful wife.

Cassie, following on from her experience as a waitress both in New York and London, easily found work at a restaurant near the Home the couple shared in Bristol. Her charming personality, bright attitude and ready smile charmed her customers and pleased her managers. She was a well-liked and popular member of the crew. She did, however still have occasions when her old feelings of insecurity, inadequacy and depression began to resurface. In most of these instances, some additional gentle love and consideration from Sid dissolved these feelings. Sometimes, this didn't work immediately. A break from the normal routine was usually the answer. However, this didn't happen very often and Sid became quite proficient at reading the signs well before a crisis and could arrange to have a few days off for a mini holiday. Quite memorable was the long weekend they spent in Edinburgh during the festival.

Yes, the couple were a happy, sociable pair. Sid had found his sweet Cassie in London and persuaded her to return to her home city of Bristol. After a couple of years living together, they married. They also renewed their relationships with their closest former friends in Bristol. Cassie also kept in touch with her former clinic roommate, Katie, who was now happily married to Maxxie Oliver and living in London. Because Cassie and Katie were living in cities over a hundred miles apart, 'keeping in touch' was all Cassie could do to maintain the friendship. She did miss Katie's affectionate companionship. The two girls had been very close friends for a number of years. All the animosity between Cassie and Michelle was now in the past and the two young women had agreed to let bygones be bygones and were now firm friends. In fact, they had been chief bridesmaids at each other's weddings. The two couples remained good friends and met frequently for meals and evenings together.

Now that Sid had proved himself to be an independent and competent young man, Tony saw him as an equal, rather than his slightly dumb sidekick. After all, Sid had found Cassie in New York, stayed with her for two years whilst travelling round the USA, found her again after a separation and married her. He had, in fact achieved his ambition to 'be like Tony'. Tony respected his dogged determination and his loyalty to the sweet young woman he loved.

As time passed, Sid became eligible for promotion to the next level but, to qualify, he was advised that it would be in his interest to attend a number of short residential courses away from Bristol. This worried him as he would have to leave his beloved Cassie by herself. True, she had been alone before, but the couple had become dependent on each other; Sid, for the inspiration and joy Cassie gave him, and Cassie for the love and security she got from Sid. Cassie came to accept this as a requirement for Sid's career, but she didn't enjoy the times he spent away from her. Most of these were about 3 days. A few of them were 4 days.

At the end of August one year, Sid was advised that he would be obliged to attend a full week course in Birmingham beginning on the last weekend in October. He would have to travel to Birmingham on the Sunday afternoon and wouldn't return till the following Saturday morning. Cassie would be on her own for six nights. This worried Sid, as he had not spent this much time away from his beloved Cassie. He tried to put these worries to one side and kept reassuring her that it was only a week and he would call her every day, more often if he could. At first, Cassie seemed to accept this as a necessary part of her husband's career progression. However, deep down, she knew she would really miss his warm embrace, his kisses and his reassuring presence.

That Summer, Sid and Cassie had enjoyed their first full holiday outside the UK since their separate returns from America. They spent a fortnight driving round Europe, visiting France, Germany, Austria and Switzerland, spending nights in two or three star hotels. Cassie relished that holiday and said that they should do that again sometime, possibly in the United States. She appeared to be happy and relaxed.

As the date of the course came nearer, Cassie became uneasy. She wasn't smiling so much. On one afternoon in September, after she had worked her breakfast and lunch shift at the restaurant, Sid came home to find her curled up on the sofa, quietly weeping. He gently embraced her and held her until she felt like speaking.

"Thank you, sweetness." said Cassie, "I needed that."

"Needed what?" asked Sid, "A little cry or a hug?"

"Both, really," said Cassie, tearfully, "I was just thinking what it's going to be like living without you for a whole week."

"Oh, my lovely one!" said Sid, "It'll only be for one week, then we'll be together until Christmas. There aren't any more courses planned this year. Isn't that a nice thought?"

I suppose so," said Cassie, "But you're going to be away during the worst week of the year for me."

"As I said," said Sid, "I'll be calling you as often as I can. We can see each other if I use WhatsApp or Skype. I'll miss your smile if I don't see you. Anyway, cheer up, we're going out for an Indian meal with Tony and Michelle this evening."

"Oh! I'd almost forgotten about that." said Cassie, "I'd better get ready."

The thought of a pleasant evening spent with friends seemed to dispel Cassie's dark thoughts. The two couples spent a pleasant evening together with no apparent worries. However, Sid could not quite forget Cassie's state of mind. He was beginning to get somewhat worried about her.

The weeks passed by and the date of the course approached. The beginning of October saw Cassie's mood seem to darken. Sid was concerned, but tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to conceal his worries from Cassie. In fact, he was beginning to seriously think about postponing the course for Cassie's sake.

Late one evening in early October, Sid was sitting with Cassie in their lounge. His arm was across her shoulders. They felt warm and relaxed in each other's company. They enjoyed each other's presence in silence for a while. Cassie spoke first.

"Sid," said Cassie, "You seem preoccupied recently. What's the matter?"

"You noticed." said Sid.

"Of course I've noticed." said Cassie, "You've had a worried look on your face for a couple of weeks. You can't hide your emotions from me, dear Sidney. I can read you like a book."

"I'm worried about you, sweetness." said Sid, "As the date of my course has been getting nearer, you've been getting more agitated. Your smile is less conspicuous. I know it's because I'm going away in a couple of weeks. Since it's at a particularly bad time of year for you, would you like me to postpone the course until the next one? That comes up in about six months."

"No, of course not." said Cassie, "The course is important for your career. You go on it."

"I know it's important," said Sid, "But your well-being is more important to me. I love you."

"I know you do, sweet Sidney," said Cassie, "But I should be able to last through the course. After all, it's only twice as many nights as your four day courses."

"I suppose that's one way of looking at it." said Sid, "But I can't help being worried about you. I care about you. You know that. Anyway, let's get some sleep."

With this, Sid embraced and kissed his beloved Cassie. They went upstairs, retired to bed and enjoyed some total intimacy before sleeping naked in each other's arms. After Cassie's decision that Sid should attend the course for the good of his career, there was no further discussion about Cassie's state of mind.

The date of the course approached. Cassie appeared, to Sid, to be holding herself together. However, deep down, she felt uncomfortable in her own skin. She behaved outwardly as if nothing was wrong. Sid had noticed her unease, but in view of Cassie's very firm insistence that he should attend the course, he chose not to make any comment. However, he was becoming concerned about her emotional state. It was now too late for him to postpone the course, so he felt he had to accept the situation.

The last weekend in October came. On Saturday evening, Sid put all the clocks back by one hour. He made the most of the last night he would spend with Cassie before the course. The couple celebrated Sunday midday with a pub lunch as Cassie wasn't working that day. Cassie seemed to enjoy it and tried not to show her deep unease.

That early evening, Cassie went to Temple Meads railway station with Sid to see him off.

"Have you got everything you need?" asked Cassie.

"As far as I know." said Sid, "If I've forgotten anything, It's too late now anyway."

"That's true." said Cassie, "Anyway, it's nearly time for your train, you'd better go."

The couple embraced and enjoyed a long, emotional kiss.

"Goodbye, my sweetness." said Sid, "See you properly on Saturday, although I'll Skype you tonight and every day of the course. That means you'll see me every day."

"I'll wait for your call," said Cassie, "Adieu, sweet Sidney."

Cassie looked sad as the couple parted. Sid was also slightly puzzled by the tone of sadness in Cassie's voice and her use of "Adieu" instead of her usual "Bye!"

Sid boarded the train and settled down for the hour and a half journey to Britain's second city. Cassie returned to her now empty home and made her plans.


	2. Chapter 2: Sid's Angst - Cassie's Plans

**Chapter 2: Sidney's Angst – Cassie's Plans**

In the early evening, Sid checked into a hotel in the Centre of Birmingham. Since he was going to be there for the whole week, he did make use of the wardrobe. On shorter courses, he usually 'lived out of his suitcase' only using the hotel facilities for more formal suits. Once he had settled, he called Cassie on Skype.

"Hello Sweet Sid," said Cassie, "Are you OK?"

"I'm good. I've arrived safely." said Sid, "The train was on time."

"That's good." said Cassie, "How is your hotel room?"

"Seems comfortable enough." said Sid, "It's right in the middle of the City. I haven't had a look round the local area yet. That can wait. I'll be sampling their dinner soon."

"Hopefully, that will be good," said Cassie, "And I know you like British hotel breakfasts."

"By the way, I'm missing you already." said Sid.

"Missing you too," said Cassie, "And you've only been away for a couple of hours. Anyway, sweet Sid, keep safe. I'll be thinking about you."

"You're never out of my thoughts, my sweetness." said Sid, "Love you! Bye for now."

"Goodbye my love." said Cassie, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Although Cassie seemed cheerful on the surface, Sid still had this niggling doubt about her mood. However, he tried to put his worries to one side and enjoy the opening dinner. The 'after dinner speeches' comprised a briefing about the structure of the course, so that the first formal session could begin at nine o'clock sharp on Monday. Since two of Sid's work colleagues were also on the course, the evening ended convivially with drinks in the bar. Since Sid was still concerned about Cassie, and didn't want to wake with a hangover, he didn't overindulge. However, he did have enough to let him fall asleep easily. The first night in a strange bed passed peacefully. Sid had set his alarm at half past six so that he could have a short walk around the immediate vicinity of the hotel before breakfast. He used this time to get his bearings in the city. He walked up to the Town Hall and the Symphony Hall. Unfortunately, the course timetable did not allow him to experience any concerts.

The first meal of the day didn't disappoint. The breakfast was a full buffet with many different hot and cold items available. Sid helped himself to the equivalent of a 'full English' fried breakfast plus muesli and plenty of coffee. Feeling contented and with a full stomach, Sid was able, for a few hours at least, to put his worries about Cassie behind him.

The first session, in fact, the whole of the first morning was devoted to outlining the structure of the Home Office and explaining where the various subsidiary offices fitted in. Sid did know some of this, but did learn a lot.

At lunchtime on Monday, Sid phoned Cassie to check that she was OK and to give her some reassurance. He was pleased to hear her sweet voice at the other end of the line.

"Hello Cass," said Sid, "Just got a quick call in so I could hear your voice. Everything OK down there?"

"Of course," said Cassie, "Why shouldn't it be? Oh yes, I had a call from Katie this morning."

"Oh! How is she?" asked Sid.

"She's fine." said Cassie, "In fact, she's more than fine. They're expecting a baby in April. Maxxie's over the moon."

"That's wonderful." said Sid, "Does she know whether it's a boy or a girl?"

"Early days yet," said Cassie "But it did set me thinking. Should we try for one?"

"I'll have to think about that." said Sid, "We'll discuss it when we're together again. I can't do much about that from up here anyway."

"That's true." said Cassie.

"Anyway, I'd better ring off now," said Sid, "We're going in to lunch. Bye, sweetness. I'll give you a video call tonight."

"Goodbye, sweet Sidney." said Cassie, "You'd better go in to your meal."

The afternoon was devoted to describing the sickness, capability and disciplinary policies and proved rather dry until the question and answer session at the end of the afternoon. During the afternoon, Sid's attention tended to drift. He began once again to worry about Cassie's state of mind. True, she seemed quite cheerful when he Skyped her last night, and when he phoned her at lunchtime today, but why did she say "Adieu" when they parted company in Bristol? Why didn't she say "See you on Saturday."?

That evening, just before dinner, Sid once again Skyped Cassie.

"Ah! That's better," said Cassie, "We can see each other. You look tired. Long afternoon was it?"

"Something like that." said Sid, "We had to sit through two hours of explanations of procedures. My mind drifted a bit and I started thinking of you, and my love for you."

"That's nice." said Cassie, smiling, "Did you enjoy your daydreams?"

"Of course I did," said Sid, "But I had to snap out of them when the question and answer session started. That was the most interesting part of the afternoon. Anyway, don't forget. I Love you dearly, sweet one."

"I know you do, sweet Sidney." said Cassie. "Anyway, when is your dinner?"

Sid looked at his watch.

"In about five minutes." said Sid, "I'd better make a move. Love you sweetness. Bye!"

"Love you too, dear Sidney." said Cassie, "I've got a breakfast and lunch shift tomorrow, so you won't be able to call me in the middle of the day. Bye!"

"Then I'll Skype you at about this time. Bye!" said Sid.

Sid finished the call and headed for dinner. Although he could not put his finger on it, there was something about Cassie that he couldn't quite fathom. She seemed reasonably cheerful, but slightly distant. Since he had come to Birmingham, he had experienced worries about her state of mind. He had tried to suppress them, but this call had reawakened those worries. Because of her shift pattern, he would not be able to speak to her for another twenty-four hours.

Sid's worries were not without foundation. Although she put on a normal, bright and cheerful front when she talked to Sid, she was deeply depressed. Her lack of self-esteem had resurfaced. She had persuaded herself that, much as he loved her, she was not 'good enough' for him. She worked her Tuesday shift. Afterwards, she visited several pharmacies and obtained enough pills to end what she now felt was her worthless life. She had two days off from work this week, Thursday and Friday. She would work her Wednesday evening shift and take the pills late on Thursday morning or in the afternoon. Her only regret was the effect her demise might have on Sid. She would try not give Sid any clue as to what she was about to do.

Sid, meanwhile, despite his misgivings about Cassie, was trying to enjoy the course as much as he could. Tuesday's subject was time management, which Sid found fascinating, especially the section about 'stealing' time. Since Cassie had a morning shift, Sid could not contact his wife until the evening. The fact that the course subject for the day was really stimulating helped to keep his mind off his worries. Part of the session was devoted to how a smartphone could be used as a 'personal data manager'.

As on the previous two evenings, Sid Skyped Cassie just before dinner. He felt good as he had just spent a really interesting and stimulating day on the course. Sid called. Cassie answered.

"Hello, Sid," said Cassie, "How was today?"

"Fascinating!" said Sid, "It was all about managing time. It was really enthralling. Anyway, how did your shift go?"

"Quite well." said Cassie, "Lunch was hard work because we had a party in the place, celebrating someone's retirement."

"I don't suppose you get so many tips from that kind of thing." said Sid.

"No, I don't!" said Cassie.

"Incidentally," said Sid, "You're looking a bit tired this evening. You're not smiling as much as usual. Is everything OK?"

"I suppose I've just had a heavy day." said Cassie, "Serving two dozen people at once takes it out of me."

"Anyway, keep your spirits up," said Sid, "And do get a good night's sleep. You look as if you need it."

"Thank you. I will." said Cassie, "I'm on late tomorrow, so I can have a lay in, and you'll have to call me in the morning. Anyway, I'll hear from you tomorrow morning."

"I'll try to Skype you in the mid-morning break." said Sid, "Bye. Love you lots!"

"Love you lots as well. Bye!" said Cassie.

This call did not serve to lessen Sid's worries. The fact that Cassie looked tired and smiled less began to make him feel he should have postponed the course despite Cassie's urgings. However, he tried not to let his concern show. After dinner and a reasonably convivial evening in the bar, he went to bed. This time, he had some difficulty sleeping. He couldn't supress his worries about Cassie. It could be that she was just tired, in which case, there was nothing to worry about. However, it could be that Cassie was in a downward spiral and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. She was 77 miles away. Normally, he would be able to restore her sunny disposition by sheer force of warm, gentle, sincere love.

On the Wednesday morning, Sid went to breakfast as usual, but his colleagues did notice he wasn't so cheerful. The day's subject on the course was 'Plain English'. Sid would normally have found this the most interesting day of the course. However, today, his worries about Cassie had begun to dominate his thoughts. He took less from the buffet for his breakfast and only picked at it. He managed to stay reasonably alert during the first session. It helped that the tutor used humour to ridicule some of the rather turgid 'officialese' from earlier decades and the Kafkaesque situations it could generate. He went on to say that the rest of the day would be devoted to using simpler language and avoiding jargon and gobbledegook.

In the mid-morning break, Sid called his Cassie. She answered.

"Hello Sid," said Cassie, "You've caught me in bed."

"Well, you did say you were going to have a lay-in today." said Sid, "Anyway, how are you?"

"Bearing up, I suppose." said Cassie, "I'm just having a long lay-in before my shift this evening.

"That's good," said Sid, "You get plenty of rest. You need it. What are you planning for the rest of the week?"

"I've got two days off after today's shift." said Cassie, "Time to think about things."

"What kind of things?" asked Sid.

"You know - just things." said Cassie.

It was clear she wasn't going to enlarge on this rather vague statement.

"Anyway," continued Cassie, "How are things in Birmingham? What are you learning today?"

"How to write and speak 'plain English'." said Sid, "So far, it's been quite entertaining."

"Sounds as if you're going to have a good day." said Cassie.

"I think I will." said Sid, "Our tutor has a sense of humour for a change. I'm looking forward to the next session."

"That's good," said Cassie, "At least you've got something to look forward to. It must be coffee break time. Where are you?"

"I'm in a quiet room some way from the lecture room." said Sid, "I suppose I'd better be getting back there, so this is goodbye for the time being. Best of luck for this evening's shift. I'll call you again tomorrow morning. I'll be learning about presentation skills and public speaking. On Friday morning, we all have to give short presentations. The course tutor will give us the subjects before tonight's dinner. Bye!"

"That sounds interesting." said Cassie, "You'll be able to stand up and give a short speech in front of a congregation of people."

"I don't know about that," Said Sid, "But I should be able to do better than I did at the wedding reception."

"Oh, Sid," said Cassie, "Don't put yourself down, that was a sweet speech. You'll be okay."

"Anyway, I'd better be moving, or I'll be late for the next session." said Sid, "Bye my sweet one. Call you Tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you too." said Cassie, "Bye, sweet Sid. We'll talk again tomorrow."

Sid felt that Cassie didn't seem as bright as usual. Her normally gentle voice seemed a bit flat. Her use of the word 'congregation' also puzzled him. However, the course had to go on. He tried to put his worries to one side and enjoyed the rest of the day. The course delegates then settled down to a very entertaining day of lectures with examples concerning the use of 'plain English' in Government communications. Sid did find it entertaining and stimulating, but could not dismiss his concern about Cassie.

Before dinner there was a brief session outlining the rest of the course and the subjects for the Friday morning presentations were handed out. Because of this, he would not have been able to call Cassie anyway. He resolved to use Skype for the morning call so he could see Cassie's sweet face.

The delegates met in the bar after dinner and discussed the subjects issued for the Friday morning presentations. This helped postpone Sid's concerns till bedtime. He had another disturbed night, tossing and turning without much actual sleep.


	3. Chapter 3: The End of Sweetness

**Chapter 3: The End of Sweetness**

Thursday dawned at last and Sid dragged himself out of bed, washed, shaved and got himself ready for breakfast. It was clear to his course colleagues that he was preoccupied. Once again, he had little appetite for breakfast. The first session of the morning covered the basics of preparing for a speech or a presentation. Sid took some of it in, but most of it went over his head. At the end of the session, Sid went to the quiet room he had used on Wednesday. He Skyped Cassie.

"Hello, sweetness." said Sid as Cassie's face appeared on his screen.

"Hello Sid," said Cassie, "How is the morning going?"

"Okay so far." said Sid, "Looks as if you're enjoying another lay-in."

"Yes," said Cassie, "I felt so sleepy this morning. I didn't feel like getting up."

"That's understandable." said Sid, "When did your shift finish?"

"We had a special party in last night," said Cassie, "I didn't get home till one."

"No wonder you were sleepy this morning." said Sid, "You do look tired. Have a really good rest."

"I will." said Cassie, "I'll go back to sleep now."

"I'll call you again this evening if I can." said Sid, "Anyway, bye for now, my sweet one."

"Goodbye, my wonderful Sidney." said Cassie, sounding rather down, "I'll be thinking of you."

Cassie closed the call, leaving Sid both puzzled and seriously worried about Cassie's state of mind. He hadn't mentioned it to her, but he thought she looked exhausted. As he returned to the lecture room, his expression was not lost on his colleagues.

"You look as if you've lost a quid and found a penny." said one.

"Don't worry, it's nothing." said Sid, trying not to sound concerned, "I'll get over it."

The course members got down to learning how to make presentations and how to prepare for what they were going to do on Friday morning. Sid, by this time was so concerned about Cassie, that he could not think as far ahead as Friday. He was waiting for the sessions to end, so that he could talk to Cassie again. He sensed that something was seriously wrong.

In Bristol, Cassie had laid her plans. In the afternoon, she went back to her bed with a jug of water, a bottle of vodka and all her pills. She had already written a note to Sid. She took all the pills, with water and a fair amount of the vodka. She sent a text message to Sid, then laid down and tried to sleep, hoping for oblivion.

At about half past four, Sid's phone vibrated, indicating that he had received a text message. Trying not to attract attention, he looked at the screen.

The message was from Cassie. It read: "Goodbye, dearest Sidney. Please - please don't blame yourself for what I have just done. I love you."

Alarm bells were ringing in Sid's mind. _"What had Cassie done? Why had she sent the text?"_. The end of lectures could not come soon enough. Sid called Cassie, first on Skype, then on her mobile and finally on the landline. No reply. This was serious. He called his mother, Liz, who had a key to the flat.

"Hello, Mum," said Sid, sounding concerned, "I'm seriously worried about Cassie. I know she should be at home, because she's expecting a call from me, but there's no reply. There might be an innocent explanation, but she sounded very down this morning. This afternoon, I got a very strange text from her, saying 'Goodbye, dearest Sidney', and asking me not to blame myself for what she had just done. Please could you call and see if she's alright."

"That sounds serious." said Liz, "You've got me worried now. I hope she hasn't done anything silly. She's such a lovely girl. I'll go straight away and call you when I know something."

"Thank you so much." said Sid, "I'll wait for your call. Be quick!"

"I will." said Liz, "I know it's hard, but try not to worry. Bye!"

"Bye!" said Sid.

Trying not to worry was not easy for Sid. He was a natural worrier and now he was desperately anxious about Cassie. He was fearing the worst. He no longer had any appetite for food and returned to his hotel room instead of going in to dinner. He waited for Liz's call with some trepidation.

Meanwhile, Liz dropped what she was doing and drove to the rented flat Sid shared with Cassie. She arrived there at about half past six. She was shocked by what she found. Cassie was in bed, deeply unconscious. On the bedside table were several empty sleeping pill cartons and a half empty vodka bottle. By them was an envelope addressed to "My sweetest Sidney". She called the ambulance, texted Sid while the paramedics attended to Cassie to inform him of the situation. She picked up the envelope, but didn't open it. Liz accompanied Cassie in the ambulance to A & E at the nearest hospital. After a while, she was approached by the consultant in charge of Cassie's case.

"Are you Mrs Jenkins?" asked the doctor.

"Yes." Said Liz, hesitantly, getting up from her chair.

"I suggest you sit down." said the doctor, "We've examined Cassie and the outlook isn't good. I am sorry to have to inform you that she has taken a massive overdose. Of course, we're trying to save her, but don't hold out too much hope. Where is her husband?"

"He's on a residential training course in Birmingham." said Liz.

"I strongly suggest you call him." said the doctor, "I'll leave you now. If you call him, could he get here tonight?"

Sid was waiting in his bedroom for Liz's call. He was watching the news on television to take his mind off his worries. At about a quarter to eight, it came. Sid picked up his phone with some trepidation.

"Hello, Mum," said Sid, "How is she?"

"Not good." said Liz, "She's overdosed. As I said in the text message, I called the ambulance and got her into hospital. The doctors say there's only a sliver of hope. Please come, if you can."

Sid's worst fears had been confirmed. His sweet Cassie had tried to kill herself. He felt that, by attending the course, he had abandoned her when she needed him most.

"I feel so guilty." said Sid, "Two weeks ago, she insisted that I go on the course, but I should have cancelled. I'll come as soon as I can."

Sid saw the senior course tutor, explained the situation and was excused the rest of the course. He packed, made his way to New Street station and caught the 21:12 train. It was on time and arrived at Temple Meads at 22:43. He boarded a taxi. Since his flat was on the route to the hospital, he left his suitcase in the flat before continuing to the hospital.

Sid entered the hospital, to be met by Liz. Mother and Son embraced. Sid was trying to hold himself together, but was near to tears.

"They've taken her to Intensive Care." said Liz in an attempt to reassure her son, "She'll be looked after there. All we can do now is wait and hope."

"Can I see her?" asked Sid.

"We'll have to see." said Liz, "Let's go up there together."

Sid and Liz made their way up to the Intensive Care Unit. Sid seemed subdued, but was controlling his emotions well. In the ward, they met the doctor who was looking after Cassie. He gave a report on her condition.

"You are?" asked the doctor, approaching Sid.

"I'm Sid," said Sid, "Cassie's husband."

"Good," said the doctor, "at least you've made it in time."

"What do you mean 'in time'?" asked Sid, quietly.

"I'll try to put this as gently as I can." Said the doctor, "She's taken a massive overdose of sedative pills. Realistically, I'll be surprised if she lasts the night."

Sid looked subdued. It seemed he was about to lose the one person who was his inspiration and held the key to his heart.

Liz and Sid stayed in the hospital through the night. They dozed on and off, and didn't say much to each other. Sid felt that his darkest hour was approaching.

At 4:35 on Friday morning, Cassie lost her battle with her overdose and quietly passed away. Liz and Sid were by her bedside.

"At least she didn't die alone." said a tearful Sid, who was now losing control of his emotions.

Liz held Sid gently and let him cry. After a while, Sid's intense weeping subsided. Mother and son made arrangements for the formalities to be carried out later in the morning and left the hospital. Liz took Sid to her house where he slept for a while. When he woke up, Liz gave him the envelope Cassie had left on the bedside table. He opened it and started reading. As he read it, tears started streaming down his cheeks.

The note read:

 _"Dearest Sidney,_

 _I'm not sure how to put this, but this week I suddenly felt overwhelmed by feelings of darkness and inadequacy. I feel I'm not good enough for you. I've come to believe I'm holding you back and that the only way to let you flourish is to disappear from the world. I have to let you go, but, since there is no way I can live without you, death is the only option left open to me. I'm so, so sorry, my sweet one._

 _Yes, we've had a wonderful time together, but there have been too many times when you have had to comfort and reassure me. There have been too many occasions when you have had to alter your plans because of my state of mind. There have been too many times when I feel I've disappointed you._

 _The darker evenings are also telling me that the light that is my life is fading away. I cannot smile anymore. Without my smile, I am nothing. My love for life is diminishing. I was beginning to feel like this in London until you found me. All you have done is postponed my end by a few years. I'm so sorry that you have wasted so much of your sweet love on a 'crazy bitch' like me. As I said earlier, I'm just not good enough for a wonderful man like you._

 _I know you suggested that you should put off attending that training course until the Spring. I told you to go ahead and attend. So please – please don't blame yourself for what I am about to do. I know you would have 'saved' me if you hadn't attended. Go on, live your own life. I'm sure you'll find someone better than me as a lifetime companion, and, as I've just written, DON'T BLAME YOURSELF._

 _Adieu, Adieu, Adieu._

 _Your poor sweet gentle Cassie."_

Sid collapsed back onto the bed and started sobbing convulsively and uncontrollably. His heart was shattered. Cassie was his life, his inspiration. He had invested all his love in her. Despite what Cassie had said in the last paragraph of her note, he felt totally guilty for what had happened. He almost felt that he had murdered her.


	4. Chapter 4: Rest in Peace

**Epilogue: Rest in Peace**

By mid-morning, Sid had cried himself out. He was tired, it is true. He had had three consecutive sleepless nights and he had witnessed the death of the most wonderful person he knew he would ever meet. However, although exhausted by his grief, he now felt able to undergo the formalities involved with Cassie's death. He also had a funeral to plan. This would, at least, keep his mind occupied for a couple of weeks.

The next few days were involved with dealing with the coroner and going through all the formalities of getting a death certificate issued. 'Suicide' was the coroner's verdict, as there was a clearly written note. The coroner also took into account the text Cassie had sent on the Thursday afternoon.

The next task to occupy Sid's mind was the arranging of a funeral. Talking to undertakers and realising that he was not the only person suffering a loss did seem, for the time being, to insulate him from the ferocity of his intense grief. He knew that he would be called upon to deliver the main eulogy at the service. This was a task which filled him with dread. Yes, he had taken in some of the hints given to him on the course. Under normal circumstances, he felt he would be able to deliver a short speech to an audience. However, this was different. He was to eulogise the one person who had rescued him from his humdrum world and made life wonderful. He missed her so intensely that he was not sure whether he would be able to control his emotions.

Cassie's funeral was quite a simple one. It was attended by her family, Sid's family including his grandfather and uncle and, of course, Sid and Cassie's close friends. These included all the surviving members of the 'gang' and Maxxie's wife, Katie. Sid sat with his former best friend, Tony, who gave him moral and emotional support.

The time came for Sid to deliver his eulogy. He walked slowly to the lectern and stood behind it, facing the congregation. He started speaking, his voice slightly tremulous.

"Today, we are here to bury the mortal remains of someone marvellous."

"Let me tell you about my sweet Cassie. She was, possibly the most wonderful person I could ever have met. It is true, she had issues, but these were minor compared with the sheer beauty of her personality. She was kind, gentle, compassionate, tolerant and warm hearted. Her beautiful speaking voice was balm to my ears. It is a tragedy that it will never be heard again. I suppose her most notable feature was that wonderful pair of eyes. When she looked at you, you felt that she could see right into your soul. That could feel uncomfortable, but it did mean that you would have to be completely open and honest with her."

"As I've already said, she had issues. She felt insecure. Her parents gave birth to a baby brother for her. Her reaction to this joyful addition to the family was unexpected. She felt left out. The feeling of insecurity also led to feelings of inadequacy. She reacted to this by not eating. She had little or no sense of self-worth. She became depressed and frequently thought of suicide as a way out of her situation. I found that the remedy for this, most of the time, was sincere, gentle and all-embracing love. However, to love Cassie, and let her know you loved her was rewarding. She would repay your love tenfold. She also retained an adorable, childlike, wide-eyed innocence when she encountered anything new to her. She would say Wow! That's so lovely.' and her expression was one of innocent delight. Once you got to know her, you came to realise that she was special. When she was happy, she seemed to possess a deep inner serenity, which was contagious. It was impossible to feel agitated or stressed around her. She would see the good in everything and everyone. She would give her love unconditionally to the person closest to her. I feel privileged to have been that person. Despite her dark feelings, she appeared to outsiders, to be a beacon of joy. Her smile was bright enough to light up any room she entered. It was almost impossible to feel sad in her presence."

"Something I haven't mentioned is that she was exceptionally beautiful. Her smiling face always inspired a feeling of joyful tranquillity in everyone she met. To look at that lovely face, framed by those glorious cascades of golden hair, was to experience true beauty. There was nothing about her face or her body which was anything less than beautiful."

"I loved her deeply. Because I actually came to know her as a person, and what a marvellous person, she was. She trusted me. Unfortunately, in the end, my love was not enough. I should have realised that she was entering an emotional crisis when I went away on that course, and postponed it. After all, her life was far more important than my career prospects. In a way, I feel partly responsible for the death of this truly wonderful person. My deepest regret is that I feel I have betrayed that genuine trust that she had placed in me. Her loss will be felt deeply by many people, not least, her father and my mother. A beautiful and inspiring beacon of serenity and joy has been extinguished for ever."

It was obvious that Sid was breaking down at this point. His voice was cracking. He produced a tissue and wiped away the tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I can say no more." He sobbed.

Tony took his arm and helped him back to his pew. He wept bitterly through the remainder of the ceremony.

Afterwards, Sid did not remember much about the interment or the wake. The emotional investment he had put into holding himself together while delivering the eulogy had all but exhausted him. He vaguely remembered putting the first clod of earth onto the coffin and the words of sympathy offered by the funeral guests. What he did remember was the feeling of desolation and loneliness that dominated his life, now that Cassie was no more. However, the dominant feeling was that of guilt. Despite what Cassie had written in her suicide note, Sid felt totally responsible for the death of a wonderful person. This feeling would not go away.

During the weeks following the funeral, Sid's mood appeared to stabilise. True, he still felt sad, but he felt he had to struggle on. He carried out his office work, but with no great enthusiasm. Towards the end of November, he suddenly felt as if a black cloud had enveloped him. He withdrew into himself and cut himself off from his friends. When he got home in the evening, he would go straight up to his room. He had left the flat he was sharing with Cassie and was living with his mother. He was not eating enough to sustain himself. When Liz asked him if she could help, he said "No!" very aggressively. He had come to believe that the void left in his life by the death of his Cassie could never be filled. Moreover, he felt that he was duty bound to punish himself for killing her.

One foggy Saturday morning in December, he told his mother he was going out to get some fresh air. She took this as a sign that he might be recovering.

"That's a good idea." said Liz, "It'll do you some good. Bye! See you later."

"Goodbye, mum." said Sid, somewhat solemnly.

Liz was puzzled by Sid's tone of voice as he said "Goodbye". True, he had been deeply depressed since Cassie's death, but even nowadays, he was normally more cheerful when he said 'goodbye' to her. After about four hours, when he hadn't returned, she went to his bedroom and found a freshly written note. There were a couple of damp patches on it where Sid's tears had fallen onto the paper as he wrote.

It read:

 _"Dearest Mum,_

 _I'm so sorry to have to do this to you, but my life has become worthless since Cassie killed herself._

 _In a way, I feel responsible for her death. When I went on that training course, I neglected her emotional needs. I should have cancelled, even at the last minute. I should have turned back when she said "Adieu" at Temple Meads station. By still going to Birmingham when she said that, I feel I killed her myself. I deserve ferocious punishment for what I have done._

 _I invested all my love in Cassie. It was wonderful while it lasted. She repaid that love with interest. We truly became part of each other. As a couple, we had lost the ability to live apart. Once one of us was gone, the other merely existed in a sort of forsaken trance. That is my present situation. I feel I cannot go on like this._

 _Cassie was truly my love. She was my life. She held the key to my heart. Now that she has gone, both my heart and my spirit have been shattered. All I see ahead of me in this life is desolation and loneliness. The only thing I can do is to look for her beyond death._

 _As I've already written, I'm so sorry to have to do this to you, Mum._

 _So, adieu, Mum. Adieu, Tony. Adieu, Michelle. Please remember me._

 _Your dear Sidney._

She sat down and burst into tears when she read the note. She did, however realise that there was very little she could have done to stop her son's descent into darkness and depression. After all he had lost everything that made his life worth living when he lost his sweet Cassie. She was truly his perfect lifetime companion. Theirs was indeed a match made in heaven.

She was grief stricken, but not altogether surprised when a police officer called later that afternoon to regretfully inform her that her son had thrown himself off the Clifton Suspension Bridge.


	5. Chapter 3A: The End of the Tunnel

**Chapter 3A: Light at the end of the Tunnel**

Thursday dawned at last and Sid dragged himself out of bed, washed, shaved and got himself ready for breakfast. It was clear to his course colleagues that he was preoccupied. Once again, he had little appetite for breakfast. The first session of the morning covered the basics of preparing for a speech or a presentation. Sid took some of it in, but most of it went over his head. At the end of the session, Sid went to the quiet room he had used on Wednesday. He Skyped Cassie.

"Hello, my sweetness." said Sid as Cassie's face appeared on his screen.

"Hello Sid," said Cassie, "How is the morning going?"

"Okay so far." said Sid, "Looks as if you're enjoying another lay-in."

"Yes," said Cassie, "I felt so sleepy this morning. I didn't feel like getting up."

"That's understandable." said Sid, "When did your shift finish?"

"We had a special party in last night," said Cassie, "I didn't get home till one."

"No wonder you were sleepy this morning." said Sid, "You do look tired. Have a really good rest."

"I will." said Cassie, "I'll go back to sleep now."

"I'll call you again this evening if I can." said Sid, "Anyway, bye for now, my sweet one."

"Goodbye, my wonderful Sidney." sad Cassie, sounding rather down, "I'll be thinking of you."

Cassie closed the call, leaving Sid both puzzled and seriously worried about Cassie's state of mind. He hadn't mentioned it to her, but he thought she looked exhausted. As he returned to the lecture room, his expression was not lost on his colleagues.

"You look as if you've lost a quid and found a penny." said one.

"Don't worry, it's nothing." said Sid, trying not to sound concerned, "I'll get over it."

The course members got down to learning how to make presentations and how to prepare for what they were going to do on Friday morning. Sid, by this time was so concerned about Cassie, that he could not think as far ahead as Friday. He was waiting for the sessions to end, so that he could talk to Cassie again. He sensed that something was seriously wrong.

In Bristol, Cassie had laid her plans. In the afternoon, she went back to her bed with a tumbler of water, a bottle of vodka and all her pills. She had already written a note to Sid. She took all the pills, with water and a fair amount of the vodka. She sent a text message to Sid. She then laid down and went to sleep, expecting oblivion.

At about half past four, Sid's phone vibrated, indicating that he had received a text message. Trying not to attract attention, he looked at the screen.

The message was from Cassie. It read: "Goodbye, dearest Sid. Please - please don't blame yourself for what I have just done. I love you."

Alarm bells were ringing in Sid's mind. _'What had Cassie done? Why had she sent the text?'_. The end of lectures could not come soon enough. Sid called Cassie, first on Skype, then on her mobile and finally on the landline. No reply. This was serious. He called his mother, Liz, who had a key to the flat.

"Hello, Mum," said Sid, sounding concerned, "I'm seriously worried about Cassie. I know she should be at home, because she's expecting a call from me, but there's no reply. There might be an innocent explanation, but she sounded very down this morning. This afternoon, I got a very strange text from her, saying "Goodbye, dearest Sid" and asking me not to blame myself for what she had just done. Please could you call and see if she's alright."

"That sounds serious." said Liz, "You've got me worried now. I hope she hasn't done anything silly. She's such a lovely girl. I'll go straight away and call you when I know something."

"Thank you so much." said Sid, "I'll wait for your call. Be quick!"

"I will." said Liz, "I know it's hard, but try not to worry. Bye!"

"Bye!" said Sid.

Trying not to worry was not easy for Sid. He was a natural worrier and now he was desperately concerned about Cassie. He was fearing the worst. He no longer had any appetite for food and returned to his hotel room instead of going in to dinner. He waited for Liz's call with some trepidation.

Meanwhile, Liz dropped what she was doing and drove to the rented flat Sid shared with Cassie. She arrived there at about half past five. She was shocked by what she found. Cassie was in bed, deeply unconscious. On the bedside table were several empty sleeping pill cartons and a half empty vodka bottle. By them was an envelope addressed to "My sweetest Sidney". She called the ambulance, waited while the paramedics attended to Cassie. She picked up the envelope, but didn't open it. She called the ambulance and texted Sid.

The text read: 'Sid, Cassie has overdosed. I'm going to hospital with her in the ambulance. I'll phone you when I know more.'

Liz accompanied Cassie in the ambulance to A & E at the nearest hospital. After a while, she was approached by the consultant in charge of Cassie's case.

"Are you Mrs Jenkins?" asked the doctor.

"Yes." Said Liz, hesitantly, getting up from her chair.

"I suggest you sit down." said the doctor, "We've examined Cassie and the outlook isn't good. I am sorry to have to inform you that she has taken a large overdose. Of course, we're doing all we can to save her, but don't hold out too much hope. Where is her husband?"

"He's on a residential training course in Birmingham." said Liz.

"I strongly suggest you call him." said the doctor, "I'll leave you now. If you call him, could he get here tonight?"

Sid was waiting in his bedroom for Liz's call. He was watching the news on television to take his mind off his worries. At about a quarter to seven, it came. Sid picked up his phone with some trepidation.

"Hello, Mum," said Sid, "How is she?"

"Not good." said Liz, "She's overdosed. As I said in the text message, I called the ambulance and got her into hospital. The doctors say there's only a sliver of hope. Please come, if you can."

Sid's worst fears had been confirmed. His beloved Cassie had tried to kill herself. He felt that, by attending the course, he had abandoned her when she needed him most.

"I feel so guilty." said Sid, "Two weeks ago, she insisted that I go on the course, but I should have cancelled. I'll come as soon as I can."

Sid saw the senior course tutor, explained the situation and was excused the rest of the course. He packed, made his way to New Street station and caught the 21:12 train. It was on time and arrived at Temple Meads at 22:43. He boarded a taxi. Since his flat was on the route to the hospital, he left his suitcase in the flat before continuing to the hospital.

Sid entered the hospital, to be met by Liz. Mother and Son embraced. Sid was trying to hold himself together, but was near to tears.

"They've taken her to Intensive Care." said Liz in an attempt to reassure her son, "She'll be looked after there. All we can do now is wait and hope."

"Can I see her?" asked Sid.

"We'll have to see." said Liz, "Let's go up there together."

Sid and Liz made their way up to the Intensive Care Unit. Sid seemed subdued, but was controlling his emotions well. In the ward, they met the doctor who was looking after Cassie. He gave a report on her condition.

"You are?" asked the doctor, approaching Sid.

"I'm Sid," said Sid, "Cassie's husband."

"Good," said the doctor, "at least you've made it in time."

"What do you mean 'in time'?" asked Sid, quietly.

"I'll try to put this as gently as I can." Said the doctor, "She's taken a considerable overdose of sedatives. Realistically, I rate her chances at about fifty-fifty. If she's alive at dawn, I think she will pull through. It's fortunate your mother found her as soon as she did. Another couple of hours and she would have gone."

The night passed slowly for Liz and Sid with no change in Cassie's condition. They were relieved when the monitor still indicated a heartbeat as dawn broke. She was still unconscious, of course, but she was still alive. The doctor's comment the previous evening gave Sid hope. During the night, he had tried to imagine life without Cassie and could only visualise blackness, loneliness and desolation. Now, with the dawn, his mood was brightening.

Over the next couple of days, Cassie's life signs strengthened. She was coming back. Liz and Sid took it in turns to keep vigil at her bedside.

Just before midday on Sunday morning, while Sid was at her bedside, she stirred slightly and her eyes opened. She looked at Sid and smiled weakly.

"Welcome back, my sweetness." said Sid, gently, "I've missed you."

"You have?" asked Cassie, weakly.

"Of course I have." said Sid, "You didn't think you could just disappear from my life without me noticing, did you."

Sid gently held Cassie's hand.

"It doesn't look as If I succeeded." said Cassie, "where am I?"

"You're in hospital." said Sid, gently, "You came in on Thursday evening."

"When is it now?" asked Cassie, drowsily.

"Nearly lunchtime on Sunday." said Sid, "You've been out for nearly seventy hours. What came over you?"

"I suddenly had this feeling I wasn't good enough." said Cassie, "What with you being away on the first week of dark evenings, life just seemed too much."

"Now I know for certain I should have postponed that course." said Sid.

Just as Sid was speaking, the consultant arrived.

"Ah, good." said the doctor, "You've rejoined the land of the living. You gave us quite a fright last Thursday evening. How are you feeling?"

"A bit drowsy," said Cassie, "As if I've had a tiring day."

"That's understandable." said the consultant, "You Still have some of the sedative in your system. We'll keep an eye on you and if you continue getting better, you can go home tomorrow evening."

"Is that normal?" asked Sid.

"Yes," said the doctor, "We want to make sure that all the sedative is clear and she's a hundred percent. We also need to know that there's someone to take her home and look after her when we discharge her. In any case, you probably have to work tomorrow."

"I do." said Sid, "Thank you for everything you've done for Cassie."

"Oh, that's alright." Said the consultant, "It's what we do. She'll need lots of TLC when you get her home."

"She'll get plenty." said Sid, "I'll make sure of that."

Sid resumed his conversation with Cassie, feeling relieved that she was on the road to recovery.

"You gave me such a fright, sweet one." said Sid, "I'm so glad you're back."

"I'm glad you're back as well, sweet Sid." said Cassie.

"Anyway," said Sid, "I'll stay with you until mum comes in."

"Although I've just woken up," said Cassie, "I'll probably go back to sleep now. I do feel quite sleepy."

"That's understandable." said Sid, "The doctor did say you still have some of the drugs in your system, so they'll still be affecting you, so, sweet dreams. I love you so much."

"Thank you, sweet Sid." said Cassie, "Love you too."

With this, Cassie smiled sweetly, closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep.

Sid continued to keep vigil by Cassie's bedside until Liz came to relieve him a couple of hours later. She was pleased with Sid's news about Cassie. Before Sid went home, he went to see the consultant. He was reassured that Cassie would make a complete recovery and that he could take her home after work on Monday. He returned to his home and enjoyed the first peaceful sleep for five nights.


	6. Chapter 4A: Back Home

**Chapter 4A: Back Home**

On Monday evening, Sid drove to the hospital and collected his sweet Cassie. He was happy and relieved that she seemed to be back to her normal, relaxed, cheerful self. He was still feeling somewhat guilty about what had happened to Cassie the previous week.

They spent the evening not saying much, but enjoying each other's physical presence. Cassie felt secure and relaxed on the sofa enfolded in Sid's gentle loving arms. Discussion of Cassie's suicide attempt could wait until later. That night Sid and Cassie enjoyed their first night together for over a week. They didn't make love, but did sleep naked in each other's arms and loved the warmth of each other's bodies and the intimate feeling this gave them.

The next morning, Cassie woke first. She looked at Sid and felt relieved that she had survived the previous week's overdose. She was glad that she hadn't inflicted the intense grief on him that he would have suffered if she'd died. At that moment, she felt an immense surge of love for him. She leant across and hugged him. This, of course, woke him up.

"Oh, morning, Cassie!" exclaimed a surprised Sid, "You're very affectionate this morning."

"I woke up and saw you peacefully sleeping," said Cassie, "And I realised how much I must mean to you."

"You mean everything to me, my lovely one." said Sid, as he let his hands explore the smooth skin of her sides and back.

"That felt lovely." said Cassie, "You've got such warm gentle hands. I'm so sorry about what happened last week. I really don't know what came over me."

"I think I do." said Sid.

"You do?" asked Cassie, surprised.

"Yes, my sweet one." said Sid, "I should have realised that the last weekend in October was the one when we put the clocks back, and I know you feel particularly depressed on the first week of dark evenings."

"I did insist that you went," said Cassie, "So I suppose I'm partly to blame."

"Don't fret about it." said Sid. "You got yourself into a right pickle while I was in Birmingham. Most of the blame is mine. I should have realised you were prone to S. A. D. back in August when I accepted the course date. I'm so sorry to have put you through all that trauma."

"You're forgiven!" said Cassie, "Of course you are! You weren't to know I'd be affected so badly this year. Anyway, lovely as it is enjoying each other under the duvet, you've got to go to work, and I've got to make my peace with the restaurant. Let's get up and share the shower."

"Ah!" exclaimed Sid. "That's more the sweet Cassie I know and love."

The couple emerged from their bed and made their way to the shower, their arms round each other's waists. Sharing the shower gave them time to relish some more skin to skin contact. After they had dried each other, Sid embraced Cassie and kissed her long and passionately.

"Oh, wow, Sid!" said Cassie, "That was wonderful! I do love you so much."

After their breakfast, Sid returned to work and Cassie had to explain to the restaurant to explain why she was unavailable on Saturday evening.

Late that evening, while they were sitting on the sofa, enjoying their hot chocolate nightcap, Sid felt the time was right to discuss Cassie's meltdown the previous week. To his surprise, Cassie provided an opening for the discussion.

"Sid," said Cassie, tentatively, "Did you read my 'suicide' note?"

"Yes," said Sid, "It was heartbreaking. Actually, that's what I want to discuss with you. You made quite a few wrong assumptions about both of us in that note."

"Such as?" asked Cassie.

Sid produced the note.

"In your first paragraph," said Sid, "you wrote ' _I feel I'm not good enough for you. I've come to believe I'm holding you back and that the only way to let you flourish is to disappear from the world. I have to let you go, but, since there is no way I can live without you, death is the only option left open to me.'_ For a start, you're more than good enough for me. You're my perfect partner, and you're certainly not holding me back. If anything, you're the marvellous person who inspires me to do my best. Have you thought that our relationship is such that neither of us can live without the other?

"I just felt inadequate." said Cassie, "I was depressed. Was that all you disagreed with."

"You went on to write: ' _but there have been too many times when you have had to comfort and reassure me. There have been too many occasions when you have had to alter your plans because of my state of mind. There have been too many times when I feel I've disappointed you'._ " said Sid, "Yes there were times, but I saw them as opportunities to express my overwhelming and passionate love for you. You're a totally wonderful person and loving you is one of my main reasons to live."

"You really mean that?" said Cassie, questioningly.

"Of course I do." said Sid, "You should never have any doubts about my love for you. You're special – very special. You're my reason for living. I don't think I'd last a week without you."

"I think you might survive without me." said Cassie, "You're a wonderful young man and I'm a drag to your ambitions, a burden you have to carry."

"What!" Said Sid, "Let's not have any more talk about you being a burden to me. You're not. And please don't ever do anything like that ever again. You really frightened me."

"I did?" asked Cassie.

"Yes!" said Sid, "Trying to live without you is the most horrifying prospect I could possibly imagine. I'd lose my way without your brilliant light guiding and inspiring me. I need you. I do so love you."

With this, Sid turned towards Cassie, embraced her and kissed her passionately and deeply. When they disengaged their embrace, Sid mentioned something that Cassie had said in one of their calls during the course.

"Cassie," said Sid, "In one of our calls last week, you mentioned your friend, Katie."

"Oh yes." said Cassie, "She's expecting a baby. I seem to remember asking you if we should try for one."

"It's certainly worth thinking about." said Sid, "We'll need a bigger flat."

"And I'd have to stop work." said Cassie, finishing Sid's sentence, "I think we should wait for your promotion, then we can go ahead."

"That will be in about a year." said Sid, "We'll still be quite young. We'll try then. I love you. Let's go to bed."

The couple enjoyed another peaceful night sleeping naked in each other's arms, relieved that they were both still alive and had a future. Over the following weeks, they became more relaxed in each other's company and the incident during the week of the course was disappearing into the past. However, one Wednesday afternoon in Late November, Sid came home to find Cassie crying. Sid sat down with her, put his arm across her shoulders and held her gently.

"What's the matter, sweetness?" asked Sid.

"I was just imagining what it would be like for you if I had killed myself." Said Cassie, tearfully, "I realise now just how much I would have hurt you. I'm so sorry, sweet Sid. I certainly won't do it again. We both mean too much to each other and life is precious."

"I'm glad you've come to see it that way," said Sid, "But why the tears?"

"I just imagined you," said Cassie, "Trying to carry on without my companionship and love. I was crying for you, my sweet Sid. You'd have been so lonely. It made me realise just how much I must mean to you. I love you."

After this, the unbreakable relationship between Sid and his sweet Cassie grew even stronger. Sid managed to accommodate Cassie's seasonal mood changes and did not go on any Autumn conferences or courses unless Cassie could come with him. She came to realise that she was his beacon of inspiration and that her love and support were essential for his well-being. He, for his part, realised that his love and support for his Cassie was essential for her happiness, indeed her life.


End file.
